Well, Judy, have you read about Kennewick and his search for acceptance?

LeFavre: Let me see if I understand this, Mr. Kennewick; you are older than Adam, Right?

Kennewick: Yes. Tree tousand years older. [Big toothy grin]

LeVavre: Just a minute. [Hold’s left hand over phone keypad while dialing. Has brief conversation…] I’m sorry, Mr. Kennewick, but the scriptures don’t allow us to give the priesthood to um, prehistorical man.

Kennewick: Oooh [Big Tears] But I your great ancestor. Why you not help me?

LeFavre: Well, it’s a matter of scripture and, um, carbon dating. The evidence shows that you are too old to be human. It’s a matter of ... genetics and ... God’s will, we don’t know why. Adam was created in God’s image. God will not allow us to make a mockery of him by giving the priesthood to pre-Adamites.

Kenniwick: [growl] The Pearl of Great Price say priesthood give to all worthy males. I am a male.

LeFavre: But implicit in that verse is the word "human". You are male, tis apparent, but not really human. If we gave the priesthood to you then we might as well endow all our cats and dogs too! I hope you can appreciate the difficulty your existence poses for the church. You are probably from another world from which this world was formed. I’m sorry, but you will have to pray to the god of your world for answers.

Kenniwick: But I AM of this world and I worship the same great spirit who created us all and I want to live with my family forever. Kennewick want special ceremony of More-mans.

Lefavre: I’m sorry if that’s what the elders have told you. In the future, we will instruct them not to teach the gospel to cavemen and byproducts of the creation. I’m very sorry Mr. Kennewick; you can go now.

Kennewick: Oooh. I so sad.

Froggie: Hey Kennewick! What’s all the big tears for? Trust me, the temple thing is overrated. The décor is mediocre and they could really use some candles (cheese cake fragrance would be spectacular) I really want you to come to our fringe dinner. I’ve got some Chocolate chips cookies and Zen has some fudge. I love the bald look, BTW.

Kennewick: Fudge???

Froggie: Don’t worry about that temple stuff too much, I know some bigwigs in the church. I think we can work something out, if that’s what you really want. Personally, I find cooking and green hugging more satisfying.

Lucretia: If you really want a ceremony, Kennewick. I can whip one up for ya. It might not be sanctioned by the church but it’ll be special, and memorable, Hee, hee. We’ll need more than energy Sobes, though.

Addict: In the structure of time, before and after, under and between, where barred tooth of dusty hominid skull smiles, undaunted by millennia of blowing silt, abruptly swathed away enough for hollow eyes to look up and see the mighty, diesel powered bucket and wonder: “What beast of toxic blood is this?

For a moment, and with inches of each other; old, fragile ancestor and fleshy master of metal monster contemplate their chance confrontation. Then in enigmatic gesture of compassion, the rattling heart is switched off, the beast stilled and its master descends as wonder demands.

Infant man gently caresses the forehead of venerable progenitor. “Steady, great grand dad, while I brush the pebbles from between your yellowed teeth – treasure troves of knowledge and lost family recipes.”

Then gently wraps the bones in [all rise and brace yourself] nylon mesh. “No worries, Granddad, you’re through the veil.

Greenmtnsun: Did the mormans treat you Very Poorly? Dont forget Christs gifts; there free.
************************************************************
please visit www.freegiftsfromjesus.com
gods love is a free gift from jesus to those that he freely loves. The way you give free love is the way you live love freely.
************************************************************

Serenity: Dear Kennewick Man, I’m seething with anger at how you were treated by our spiritual taskmasters… Just a minute. I need to talk to Ed about this. [*] LOL, okay I feel better now. I’m sipping a cappuccino. [Ahem] You take care of yourself, Kennewick. I’m praying for you. Write me sometime wouldya?

DOK: Bull sh*t! Take ‘em to the press. Stand up, resist and defy with cajones, balls, guts and gonads and fight, battle, and melee, the oppressive, domineering, bellicose and tyrannical hooligans and diaphanous hoods of Mormon central. I am always astounded, thunderstruck, flabbergasted and bowled over, by the petulant, huffy and vituperative ranting-hand-waving-ravings of the church’s so called elite, cream of the crop, hierarchal top dog, big cheese, head honchos.

--The ascetic, austere, abstemious, rancorous, teetotal desert rat speaks, writes and expounds.

Trixie: Testosterone. That’s your main problem, Kennewick. Yours and theirs… just too much testosterone. There is just too much everywhere. It’s not your fault; you were born with that for a reason and it’s nice when used within the bounds the Lord has set, but I recommend you get some counseling. Actually, anyone who is considering joining a controlling and manipulative organization (not that the church is one, necessarily) needs some counseling. Read some books. Watch out for Fred.

Fred Newman: The denial of priesthood blessings to you is like the denial of sunlight to the lower layers of strata from whence come your sorry bones. Fringers can be found at all levels of the Mormon strata. I would be found near the medium layers somewhat close the main TBM layer where stray rays of sunny radiation yet penetrate. Whereas Dennis and ThePiper would be found at the lowest layers, near my friends, the eastern orthodox. Others like Walker and Private Eyes would be found somewhere in between at various degrees of darkness. You may rise to whatever level you desire, though I agree that our inspired leaders have set certain parameters on your advancement that you might find limiting.

Calculus: The roasting of your soul in hell is as apparent as the cracks in your simian skull. However, there is no reason why we can’t enjoy a jousting of words and insults with each other. Raise thy spiked club, my revered but doomed foe! Lest I make powder thy fossilized teeth posthaste.

Ed: The basic premise of this topic summary is that there is no simplistic paradigm for your problem (and mine, BTW). The basic premise is really a multi-faceted one. I personally, have found a basic basis of doing what you know is right, and forget the fluffing and so forth, etc. This is my basic premise and you are welcome to it. So be it.

Peggy: I recently read an article that you might enjoy, Kennewick. In short, it deals with the non-zero sumness probability that Kennewick man could not have been teleported from Kolob or elsewhere. In fact Kennewick is part of this world and (bless your heart) actually achieved the highest level of belief, which puts you in the lofty company of many fringers. Welcome, but please; no dirty jokes.

Zen: Yeah, no dirty jokes or snide commentary, Mr. Bonehead. See that hunky archeologist recovering from corner solitary? He forgot the rules. Are you an Ox or a rooster? Watch your step and remember where you are!

Too: You have a wonderful odor about you, Kennewick. Memories of evaporating seas and pressure cooking sand … I thank you for that. You have a good heart, well, I mean fossilized sternum.

Away for oh so long
My prodigal son
Don't recognize the lines etched
In your hands
The sea has torn a hole right
Through your side
You wear emotions
Dazzle me bright with light
--Old Man Stone

Sassy: Hear me now, Mr. Kenewick. We don’t allow that sort of non-sense around here. Take a break for gosh sake. I’d say stop blubbering, and pitch in. That will help you get your mind off it too.

Hope: I could make you a nice shrubbery salad for use in those powerful molars. Would that help? How about a game of Cranium? I hope I can say "Cranium" without hurting your feelings, Mr. Bone Dome? You make me giggle, K. Fantastic funny bone you have there, Sir.

Roger: Your cranium can be divided into two parts. Let's call the left side T(hought) and the right side F(eeling) I then construct the following matrix and determine your spiritual aptitude:

Eating Playing Praying Screaming Speaking
With Ed T T F F T
With Serenity T F T F T
With Addict T F F T T
With Froggie T T F T F
With ThePiper F F F T T
With Emma T F F F F

(I apologize for my shameless use of personal names but it’s crucial for this particular chart)

Now search for pattern in the matrix like crosses, slashes, snakes or spires. I don’t have any crosses, slashes, snakes or spires or any pattern whatsoever in my spirituality matrix. I defy quantification and predictability. I’m sorry for you, amigo.

Miguel: Saludos! Here is something to cheer y’up <^><^>.

.: Sister . and I extend our love, but we must tow the line. :( n/t

ThePiper: The Seashell Kingdom, as you call it (properly pronounced “CELESTIAL”) is no more than a state of mine. We find it between Planc’s constant and the shrill, but subtle voice of the trumpet, oboe, flute, snare drum (choose one or more) Add a proportioned amount of wine and we are there. The glory beholds us.

Hunky N: Hammy humeruses, man.

Judy: Lovely; Though, not a great patron of parody, it's enough to keep me from running to RFM and/or Mexico for another 3 days.

[Note from Walker: I hope I didn't offend anyone, it was not my intent. I can't parody you well, but I love trying. God bless.]

Too weak with laughter to type an appreciative reply. Well done! *big kiss*

And someone was just asking for a Ward List! Great work, Walker.

SHEEEEEEE

Fine work there. I guess I kinda sorta noticed you had it in you, but man, you one-upped yourself here.

If I had more time, I'd parody your satire:

Callous Scientist: Kennewick man's remains display physiologic features foreign to most native Americans. Kennewick man appears to have European ancestry. We need more time to study it. Much more. And a federal research grant would certainly help.

Oppressed Umatilla Tribesman: Kennewick man is our ancestor and deserves reverent respect. Leave his sacred bones with us and we will place him in the Earth Mother's bosom where he belongs.

Curious Mormon Onlooker: Hey Vern, exactly when was it that Nephi brough his family to the Americas? Oh, only that long ago. Gee, that radiocarbon dating must still have some bugs in it.

US District Judge: ............

............

ThePiper: I've been thinking of doing some e-mpressions lately, but ya kinda stole my thunder, Walker.

That's OK, I still love this state of mine!

XOXOXO

ThePiper

mine

Now I'm not sure if I originally intended it that way, or if it really was a typo. I'll drink to that.

Hahahahaha! BTW, this is Peggy's daughter

Aspen

Great immagination

Actually, what's wrong with Gods free gift anyway, given the regular posts here from some that are tired of the guilt often seen in the LDS church, I'd say grace is pretty darn kewl.

Anyway, I must admit I doubt I'd have in it me to write something that creative, so I tip my hat to you.

Keith

....
.... That shameless signiture is below ;-)
....
*******************************************************
Check www.graceofchrist.org
God's Grace is a free gift for YOU!
*******************************************************

LOC, Walkman

BUT YOU FORGOT THE PART WHERE JUDY invites Kennewick Man to dance on the table to the throbbing beat of her Rock Opera on LDS Church History--

AND THE PART where, with the help of Trixie and the prophet Ezekiel, KM then successfully performs the first-ever belly, er, spine dance by dry bones, making Zelph himself to green up with envy--

AND WHERE Peggy takes KM into her home school, vastly improving his English and social skills --

AND where Dennis finally does ban KM from this Board, for talking too openly about the temple ceremony, in light of Ancient American parallels--

AFTER WHICH KM understandably falls into a deep depression, and wastes away (again) and succumbs (again)

_____________

:Kennewick: I want to have blessing of priesthood like More-man. I want wear beautiful garment in holy temple at Seattle. And I want family to live forever together in Seashell kingdom.
:
:LeFavre: Let me see if I understand this, Mr. Kennewick; you are older than Adam, Right?
:
:Kennewick: Yes. Tree tousand years older. [Big toothy grin]
:
:LeVavre: Just a minute. [Hold’s left hand over phone keypad while dialing. Has brief conversation…] I’m sorry, Mr. Kennewick, but the scriptures don’t allow us to give the priesthood to um, prehistorical man.
:
:Kennewick: Oooh [Big Tears] But I your great ancestor. Why you not help me?
:
:LeFavre: Well, it’s a matter of scripture and, um, carbon dating. The evidence shows that you are too old to be human. It’s a matter of ... genetics and ... God’s will, we don’t know why. Adam was created in God’s image. God will not allow us to make a mockery of him by giving the priesthood to pre-Adamites.
:
:Kenniwick: [growl] The Pearl of Great Price say priesthood give to all worthy males. I am a male.
:
:LeFavre: But implicit in that verse is the word "human". You are male, tis apparent, but not really human. If we gave the priesthood to you then we might as well endow all our cats and dogs too! I hope you can appreciate the difficulty your existence poses for the church. You are probably from another world from which this world was formed. I’m sorry, but you will have to pray to the god of your world for answers.
:
:Kenniwick: But I AM of this world and I worship the same great spirit who created us all and I want to live with my family forever. Kennewick want special ceremony of More-mans.
:
:Lefavre: I’m sorry if that’s what the elders have told you. In the future, we will instruct them not to teach the gospel to cavemen and byproducts of the creation. I’m very sorry Mr. Kennewick; you can go now.
:
:Kennewick: Oooh. I so sad.
:
:Froggie: Hey Kennewick! What’s all the big tears for? Trust me, the temple thing is overrated. The décor is mediocre and they could really use some candles (cheese cake fragrance would be spectacular) I really want you to come to our fringe dinner. I’ve got some Chocolate chips cookies and Zen has some fudge. I love the bald look, BTW.
:
:Kennewick: Fudge???
:
:Froggie: Don’t worry about that temple stuff too much, I know some bigwigs in the church. I think we can work something out, if that’s what you really want. Personally, I find cooking and green hugging more satisfying.
:
:Lucretia: If you really want a ceremony, Kennewick. I can whip one up for ya. It might not be sanctioned by the church but it’ll be special, and memorable, Hee, hee. We’ll need more than energy Sobes, though.
:
:Addict: In the structure of time, before and after, under and between, where barred tooth of dusty hominid skull smiles, undaunted by millennia of blowing silt, abruptly swathed away enough for hollow eyes to look up and see the mighty, diesel powered bucket and wonder: “What beast of toxic blood is this?
:
:For a moment, and with inches of each other; old, fragile ancestor and fleshy master of metal monster contemplate their chance confrontation. Then in enigmatic gesture of compassion, the rattling heart is switched off, the beast stilled and its master descends as wonder demands.
:
:Infant man gently caresses the forehead of venerable progenitor. “Steady, great grand dad, while I brush the pebbles from between your yellowed teeth – treasure troves of knowledge and lost family recipes.”
:
:Then gently wraps the bones in [all rise and brace yourself] nylon mesh. “No worries, Granddad, you’re through the veil.
:
:Greenmtnsun: Did the mormans treat you Very Poorly? Dont forget Christs gifts; there free.
:************************************************************
:please visit www.freegiftsfromjesus.com
:gods love is a free gift from jesus to those that he freely loves. The way you give free love is the way you live love freely.
:************************************************************
:
:Serenity: Dear Kennewick Man, I’m seething with anger at how you were treated by our spiritual taskmasters… Just a minute. I need to talk to Ed about this. [*] LOL, okay I feel better now. I’m sipping a cappuccino. [Ahem] You take care of yourself, Kennewick. I’m praying for you. Write me sometime wouldya?
:
:DOK: Bull sh*t! Take ‘em to the press. Stand up, resist and defy with cajones, balls, guts and gonads and fight, battle, and melee, the oppressive, domineering, bellicose and tyrannical hooligans and diaphanous hoods of Mormon central. I am always astounded, thunderstruck, flabbergasted and bowled over, by the petulant, huffy and vituperative ranting-hand-waving-ravings of the church’s so called elite, cream of the crop, hierarchal top dog, big cheese, head honchos.
:
:--The ascetic, austere, abstemious, rancorous, teetotal desert rat speaks, writes and expounds.
:
:Trixie: Testosterone. That’s your main problem, Kennewick. Yours and theirs… just too much testosterone. There is just too much everywhere. It’s not your fault; you were born with that for a reason and it’s nice when used within the bounds the Lord has set, but I recommend you get some counseling. Actually, anyone who is considering joining a controlling and manipulative organization (not that the church is one, necessarily) needs some counseling. Read some books. Watch out for Fred.
:
:Fred Newman: The denial of priesthood blessings to you is like the denial of sunlight to the lower layers of strata from whence come your sorry bones. Fringers can be found at all levels of the Mormon strata. I would be found near the medium layers somewhat close the main TBM layer where stray rays of sunny radiation yet penetrate. Whereas Dennis and ThePiper would be found at the lowest layers, near my friends, the eastern orthodox. Others like Walker and Private Eyes would be found somewhere in between at various degrees of darkness. You may rise to whatever level you desire, though I agree that our inspired leaders have set certain parameters on your advancement that you might find limiting.
:
:Calculus: The roasting of your soul in hell is as apparent as the cracks in your simian skull. However, there is no reason why we can’t enjoy a jousting of words and insults with each other. Raise thy spiked club, my revered but doomed foe! Lest I make powder thy fossilized teeth posthaste.
:
:Ed: The basic premise of this topic summary is that there is no simplistic paradigm for your problem (and mine, BTW). The basic premise is really a multi-faceted one. I personally, have found a basic basis of doing what you know is right, and forget the fluffing and so forth, etc. This is my basic premise and you are welcome to it. So be it.
:
:Peggy: I recently read an article that you might enjoy, Kennewick. In short, it deals with the non-zero sumness probability that Kennewick man could not have been teleported from Kolob or elsewhere. In fact Kennewick is part of this world and (bless your heart) actually achieved the highest level of belief, which puts you in the lofty company of many fringers. Welcome, but please; no dirty jokes.
:
:Zen: Yeah, no dirty jokes or snide commentary, Mr. Bonehead. See that hunky archeologist recovering from corner solitary? He forgot the rules. Are you an Ox or a rooster? Watch your step and remember where you are!
:
:Too: You have a wonderful odor about you, Kennewick. Memories of evaporating seas and pressure cooking sand … I thank you for that. You have a good heart, well, I mean fossilized sternum.
:
:Away for oh so long
:My prodigal son
:Don't recognize the lines etched
:In your hands
:The sea has torn a hole right
:Through your side
:You wear emotions
:Dazzle me bright with light
:--Old Man Stone
:
:Sassy: Hear me now, Mr. Kenewick. We don’t allow that sort of non-sense around here. Take a break for gosh sake. I’d say stop blubbering, and pitch in. That will help you get your mind off it too.
:
:Hope: I could make you a nice shrubbery salad for use in those powerful molars. Would that help? How about a game of Cranium? I hope I can say "Cranium" without hurting your feelings, Mr. Bone Dome? You make me giggle, K. Fantastic funny bone you have there, Sir.
:
:Roger: Your cranium can be divided into two parts. Let call the left side T(hought) and the right side F(eeling) I then construct the following matrix a determine your spiritual aptitude:
:
: Eating Playing Praying Screaming Speaking
:With Ed T T F F T
:With Serenity T F T F T
:With Addict T F F T T
:With Froggie T T F T F
:With ThePiper F F F T T
:With Emma T F F F F
:
:
:(I apologize for my shameless use of personal names but it’s crucial for this particular chart)
:
:Now search for pattern in the matrix like crosses, slashes, snakes or spires. I don’t have any crosses, slashes, snakes or spires or any pattern whatsoever in my spirituality matrix. I defy quantification and predictability. I’m sorry for you, amigo.
:
:Miguel: Saludos! Here is something to cheer y’up <^><^>.
:
:.: Sister . and I extend our love, but we must tow the line. :( n/t
:
:ThePiper: The Seashell Kingdom, as you call it (properly pronounced “CELESTIAL”) is no more than a state of mind. We find it between Planc’s constant and the shrill, but subtle voice of the trumpet, oboe, flute, snare drum (choose one or more) Add a proportioned amount of wine and we are there. The glory beholds us.
:
:Hunky N: Nice humeruses, man.
:
:Judy: Lovely; Though, not a great patron of parody, it's enough to keep me from running to RFM and/or Mexico for another 3 days.
:
:[Note from Walker: I hope I didn't offend anyone, it was not my intent. I can't parody you well, but I love trying. God bless.]

actually, Walker

:(Even if some of the chuckles are at my expense; OTOH, though, that beast of toxic blood is quite wonderful ;-).)
:
:BUT YOU FORGOT THE PART WHERE JUDY invites Kennewick Man to dance on the table to the throbbing beat of her Rock Opera on LDS Church History--
:
:AND THE PART where, with the help of Trixie and the prophet Ezekiel, KM then successfully performs the first-ever belly, er, spine dance by dry bones, making Zelph himself to green up with envy--
:
:AND WHERE Peggy takes KM into her home school, vastly improving his English and social skills --
:
:AND where Dennis finally does ban KM from this Board, for talking too openly about the temple ceremony, in light of Ancient American parallels--
:
:AFTER WHICH KM understandably falls into a deep depression, and wastes away (again) and succumbs (again)
:
:_____________
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
:
::Kennewick: I want to have blessing of priesthood like More-man. I want wear beautiful garment in holy temple at Seattle. And I want family to live forever together in Seashell kingdom.
::
::LeFavre: Let me see if I understand this, Mr. Kennewick; you are older than Adam, Right?
::
::Kennewick: Yes. Tree tousand years older. [Big toothy grin]
::
::LeVavre: Just a minute. [Hold’s left hand over phone keypad while dialing. Has brief conversation…] I’m sorry, Mr. Kennewick, but the scriptures don’t allow us to give the priesthood to um, prehistorical man.
::
::Kennewick: Oooh [Big Tears] But I your great ancestor. Why you not help me?
::
::LeFavre: Well, it’s a matter of scripture and, um, carbon dating. The evidence shows that you are too old to be human. It’s a matter of ... genetics and ... God’s will, we don’t know why. Adam was created in God’s image. God will not allow us to make a mockery of him by giving the priesthood to pre-Adamites.
::
::Kenniwick: [growl] The Pearl of Great Price say priesthood give to all worthy males. I am a male.
::
::LeFavre: But implicit in that verse is the word "human". You are male, tis apparent, but not really human. If we gave the priesthood to you then we might as well endow all our cats and dogs too! I hope you can appreciate the difficulty your existence poses for the church. You are probably from another world from which this world was formed. I’m sorry, but you will have to pray to the god of your world for answers.
::
::Kenniwick: But I AM of this world and I worship the same great spirit who created us all and I want to live with my family forever. Kennewick want special ceremony of More-mans.
::
::Lefavre: I’m sorry if that’s what the elders have told you. In the future, we will instruct them not to teach the gospel to cavemen and byproducts of the creation. I’m very sorry Mr. Kennewick; you can go now.
::
::Kennewick: Oooh. I so sad.
::
::Froggie: Hey Kennewick! What’s all the big tears for? Trust me, the temple thing is overrated. The décor is mediocre and they could really use some candles (cheese cake fragrance would be spectacular) I really want you to come to our fringe dinner. I’ve got some Chocolate chips cookies and Zen has some fudge. I love the bald look, BTW.
::
::Kennewick: Fudge???
::
::Froggie: Don’t worry about that temple stuff too much, I know some bigwigs in the church. I think we can work something out, if that’s what you really want. Personally, I find cooking and green hugging more satisfying.
::
::Lucretia: If you really want a ceremony, Kennewick. I can whip one up for ya. It might not be sanctioned by the church but it’ll be special, and memorable, Hee, hee. We’ll need more than energy Sobes, though.
::
::Addict: In the structure of time, before and after, under and between, where barred tooth of dusty hominid skull smiles, undaunted by millennia of blowing silt, abruptly swathed away enough for hollow eyes to look up and see the mighty, diesel powered bucket and wonder: “What beast of toxic blood is this?
::
::For a moment, and with inches of each other; old, fragile ancestor and fleshy master of metal monster contemplate their chance confrontation. Then in enigmatic gesture of compassion, the rattling heart is switched off, the beast stilled and its master descends as wonder demands.
::
::Infant man gently caresses the forehead of venerable progenitor. “Steady, great grand dad, while I brush the pebbles from between your yellowed teeth – treasure troves of knowledge and lost family recipes.”
::
::Then gently wraps the bones in [all rise and brace yourself] nylon mesh. “No worries, Granddad, you’re through the veil.
::
::Greenmtnsun: Did the mormans treat you Very Poorly? Dont forget Christs gifts; there free.
::************************************************************
::please visit www.freegiftsfromjesus.com
::gods love is a free gift from jesus to those that he freely loves. The way you give free love is the way you live love freely.
::************************************************************
::
::Serenity: Dear Kennewick Man, I’m seething with anger at how you were treated by our spiritual taskmasters… Just a minute. I need to talk to Ed about this. [*] LOL, okay I feel better now. I’m sipping a cappuccino. [Ahem] You take care of yourself, Kennewick. I’m praying for you. Write me sometime wouldya?
::
::DOK: Bull sh*t! Take ‘em to the press. Stand up, resist and defy with cajones, balls, guts and gonads and fight, battle, and melee, the oppressive, domineering, bellicose and tyrannical hooligans and diaphanous hoods of Mormon central. I am always astounded, thunderstruck, flabbergasted and bowled over, by the petulant, huffy and vituperative ranting-hand-waving-ravings of the church’s so called elite, cream of the crop, hierarchal top dog, big cheese, head honchos.
::
::--The ascetic, austere, abstemious, rancorous, teetotal desert rat speaks, writes and expounds.
::
::Trixie: Testosterone. That’s your main problem, Kennewick. Yours and theirs… just too much testosterone. There is just too much everywhere. It’s not your fault; you were born with that for a reason and it’s nice when used within the bounds the Lord has set, but I recommend you get some counseling. Actually, anyone who is considering joining a controlling and manipulative organization (not that the church is one, necessarily) needs some counseling. Read some books. Watch out for Fred.
::
::Fred Newman: The denial of priesthood blessings to you is like the denial of sunlight to the lower layers of strata from whence come your sorry bones. Fringers can be found at all levels of the Mormon strata. I would be found near the medium layers somewhat close the main TBM layer where stray rays of sunny radiation yet penetrate. Whereas Dennis and ThePiper would be found at the lowest layers, near my friends, the eastern orthodox. Others like Walker and Private Eyes would be found somewhere in between at various degrees of darkness. You may rise to whatever level you desire, though I agree that our inspired leaders have set certain parameters on your advancement that you might find limiting.
::
::Calculus: The roasting of your soul in hell is as apparent as the cracks in your simian skull. However, there is no reason why we can’t enjoy a jousting of words and insults with each other. Raise thy spiked club, my revered but doomed foe! Lest I make powder thy fossilized teeth posthaste.
::
::Ed: The basic premise of this topic summary is that there is no simplistic paradigm for your problem (and mine, BTW). The basic premise is really a multi-faceted one. I personally, have found a basic basis of doing what you know is right, and forget the fluffing and so forth, etc. This is my basic premise and you are welcome to it. So be it.
::
::Peggy: I recently read an article that you might enjoy, Kennewick. In short, it deals with the non-zero sumness probability that Kennewick man could not have been teleported from Kolob or elsewhere. In fact Kennewick is part of this world and (bless your heart) actually achieved the highest level of belief, which puts you in the lofty company of many fringers. Welcome, but please; no dirty jokes.
::
::Zen: Yeah, no dirty jokes or snide commentary, Mr. Bonehead. See that hunky archeologist recovering from corner solitary? He forgot the rules. Are you an Ox or a rooster? Watch your step and remember where you are!
::
::Too: You have a wonderful odor about you, Kennewick. Memories of evaporating seas and pressure cooking sand … I thank you for that. You have a good heart, well, I mean fossilized sternum.
::
::Away for oh so long
::My prodigal son
::Don't recognize the lines etched
::In your hands
::The sea has torn a hole right
::Through your side
::You wear emotions
::Dazzle me bright with light
::--Old Man Stone
::
::Sassy: Hear me now, Mr. Kenewick. We don’t allow that sort of non-sense around here. Take a break for gosh sake. I’d say stop blubbering, and pitch in. That will help you get your mind off it too.
::
::Hope: I could make you a nice shrubbery salad for use in those powerful molars. Would that help? How about a game of Cranium? I hope I can say "Cranium" without hurting your feelings, Mr. Bone Dome? You make me giggle, K. Fantastic funny bone you have there, Sir.
::
::Roger: Your cranium can be divided into two parts. Let call the left side T(hought) and the right side F(eeling) I then construct the following matrix a determine your spiritual aptitude:
::
:: Eating Playing Praying Screaming Speaking
::With Ed T T F F T
::With Serenity T F T F T
::With Addict T F F T T
::With Froggie T T F T F
::With ThePiper F F F T T
::With Emma T F F F F
::
::
::(I apologize for my shameless use of personal names but it’s crucial for this particular chart)
::
::Now search for pattern in the matrix like crosses, slashes, snakes or spires. I don’t have any crosses, slashes, snakes or spires or any pattern whatsoever in my spirituality matrix. I defy quantification and predictability. I’m sorry for you, amigo.
::
::Miguel: Saludos! Here is something to cheer y’up <^><^>.
::
::.: Sister . and I extend our love, but we must tow the line. :( n/t
::
::ThePiper: The Seashell Kingdom, as you call it (properly pronounced “CELESTIAL”) is no more than a state of mind. We find it between Planc’s constant and the shrill, but subtle voice of the trumpet, oboe, flute, snare drum (choose one or more) Add a proportioned amount of wine and we are there. The glory beholds us.
::
::Hunky N: Nice humeruses, man.
::
::Judy: Lovely; Though, not a great patron of parody, it's enough to keep me from running to RFM and/or Mexico for another 3 days.
::
::[Note from Walker: I hope I didn't offend anyone, it was not my intent. I can't parody you well, but I love trying. God bless.]

Evangelical brainwashing

Big green hugs,

Froggie

Right on!

Hilarious, Addict

Thank goodness we have at least a bit of time to spend on this hobby, lamenting we don't have more.

Kennewick & I need to party together...;)

This is a keeper...fabo...how about one a day? ;)
I really did need the reminder that it's all the great people like yourself that has kept me here.

The only thing different that you could have added to mine since i'm a toucher...is that i would have had to run my hands over Kenniwick's
bald head...*LOL*......

Judy..who is sprinting to put her beret back on the rack

what price, laughter?

heckafire, walker! how long did it take you to compose that?...

that is priceless!

serenity, munching on a banana... *lol*

HEY!

You deserve a whuppin' for that one, boy. As a school teacher, I have plenty of paddles, but none that reach quite that far. Any Utah volunteers????

I'll swat it for ya Trixie! (But I'll have to fluff it up first.) *g*

is it just me...

The PBR list or the DRAW list?

The extreme list is the "Pee Before Reading" list so called for reasons I won't get into. Until now, it has only included Dave Barry and Playelder. I think this post forces me to add you to the PBR list.

OMG!!!

Dear Walker...

As if your kind words weren't enough, the humorous notes where I laughed: dang, that Rooster/Ox line is timeless. You are the King, Walker soul.

But I stopped in my tracks when I came to those lyrics. They hit me again coming back again retracing this thread to respond. Yes, I read them more than one time when they were active on the board's front page and they had no less effect then. The first read-through I got that tickling at the top of my nose that let me know a tearfulness was inside. Always a sign me thinketh, of awesome stuff and a gift. Thank you.

To give you a giggle, in cheap exchange, I asked my husband whether he knew of a poet by the name of "Old Man Stone." Not particularly musically literate, now am I? *snort*

Thank you, Walker. This was a delight from beginning to end. A veritable feast for everyone's emotions.

God Bless,

Love, Deb

OMS

Some folks of the fringe are more difficult to parody than others. When I thought about you, I trembled and sought help from the oracle, questing for something I liked, something related to poor old Kennewick and something you might like. (How would you put that into a search engine?)

The result was lyrics by OMS.

Well, there goes the mystery.

Glad you liked it. I was sure you would, but not absolutely sure.

Thanks for the note.

OO&XX, Walker